Friday, January 21, 2011

There's This Thing Called Moderation...

I haven’t written an entry for my blog for a very long time- as you can see. The reason is that I was at a loss as to how to explain something I learned from the experience. I did not in fact go an entire year with my commitment to not buy anything new. It actually lasted about 6 months. Around that time, my husband went to Ukraine to attend his brother’s wedding and so, of course, he needed to bring presents from the US for all of his family. I really didn’t have time to make a lot of handmade gifts so we purchased them. Then came shopping for school supplies- and it just snowballed
from there.
So, perhaps a bit of shame has kept me from writing in this blog. My husband can attest to the fact that I make grand plans and start a lot of things but often have a hard time seeing them through to the end. I openly admit this. However, I really feel that my choice to end the experiment had more to it. Certainly it is not reasonable to go without buying new things indefinitely- I never thought it was. Also, my goal in this experiment was not to simply make myself suffer. I wanted to come to terms with my consumerism and really understand the motivations for and implications of my spending/consuming habits. I really feel that I have done that. While my husband was gone to
Ukraine, I happened to read a book about the Bolshevik revolution and the beginnings of Communism in Russia. This was a very interesting read in light of my efforts to confront consumerism. In previous posts I have talked about how American’s consume so much- much more than any other country and that one of the reasons we can afford to buy stuff like we do is because we outsource manufacturing and often exploit foreign resources. This topic is of course hotly debated- many people saying it is better for them to have those jobs than none at all and others saying that corporations wouldn’t really collapse if they shelled out a little more money for its workers, and others in reply saying that they would- to which I say, I’m not so sure, but I know they wouldn’t if the consumer here would be willing to pay a little more for a product, knowing that it was made by people who earned a living wage in healthy working conditions. Anyway, in the current political atmosphere in the US- people might call me a socialist for supporting what they would claim to be anti-capitalist (even though a market system can be run not just by demand for lowest price but by values). So, back to my point, it was very interesting to read about Communism. The interesting aspect to me was the idea they had of sharing the wealth- similar to my idea. However, as we know, none of us is perfect and there is a natural human desire to obtain and enjoy things- luxury or not. So, when you study how Communism turned out in the Soviet Union, you do not see the creation of a selfless, sharing society. You see a nation of hypocrites- claiming to work for the common people and share, but really secretly grabbing what  they can for themselves- especially as scarcity increased- all the while being told (by people who did the same) that they should feel ashamed for having extra or wanting more. There is a really great episode of John Stossel’s show that gives one explanation as to why this happens- it’s called the tragedy of the commons.
So, I discovered as the months passed in my experiment, more things started breaking or wearing out and the kids had a longer and longer list of things they had wanted but didn’t get (and I did too). The difficulty of proceeding grew and the sense of deprivation increased. This was actually a good thing at first, because it highlighted the “things” in my life that actually were needful and mattered the most. I know very clearly that fun activities with the family that require very little stuff are always more rewarding than toys and things. But I also know that there are some things that really do make
life easier for me- that I’m not willing to live without. I love my time-saving kitchen appliances. Sure I could do everything by hand- but I won’t. I like board and card games. I buy them every Christmas because if it is a good game, it doesn’t get old and forgotten and I can do it with my family.
This process taught me many important things. I learned to take care of what I have and I valued what I have more. I learned that I could in fact live without having all these things I wanted- things that previously may have been categorized as a want/need- something that I want because I think
it will make my life better and of course making my life better is something I need right? My eyes were opened to the amount of junk I had in my home (and still do- still trying to part with more). The concept of budgeting also became clear to me. I have always budgeted but not as well as I could have. I see a parallel between the average American consumer and the American government as
far as credit is concerned. Somehow everyone’s basic list of needs has increased over the years- we are so much more high maintenance. We demand more stuff and think it is okay to use credit to get it and in turn, demand more from the government and think it is okay for the government to use credit to supply it. Not only should be not be using credit like cash- we should be using less than what we earn and saving for hard times. This has become painfully clear to all of us over the past few years but we are not really ready to retrench and really cut our excess. We see it in finance and we see it in our waistbands. Take a look at the current season of the Biggest Loser and you will know, we just have a hard time saying no to our carnal appetites. The problem is, the bigger you get, the harder it is to move- to change.
This idea about obesity is actually what made what I learned at the end of my efforts clear to me. As I have said, I learned many positive lessons, but the last lesson I learned is one of moderation. At the six month point, I had stretched my family’s resolve to the limit and the legitimate wants (I’ll still call them wants because we weren’t going to die without them)- things that I realized actually could enhance my life, were mounting. And yet, after considering what most of the world has, those wants seemed frivolous and so I felt bad for not keeping my resolve. But, as mentioned, the example of
Communist Russia showed me that trying to ignore those wants- even for my lofty ideals doesn’t turn out well. For the longest time this really bothered me and I still felt like a failure- until I remembered the value of moderation. As I began this new year, I made a commitment to lose some weight. I think my metabolism has really begun to slow down and I am the heaviest I have ever been- outside of being pregnant of course. I did a lot of calculations and determined the correct ratio of calorie intake and exercise (calorie burning) to lose about 5 pounds in a month. Of course I’m impatient and I want to lose it quicker- but in order to do that I would have to REALLY restrict my diet and exercise like crazy. From previous experience, I know that if I do this, I’ll end up quitting and have no success at all. So, instead I am being moderate and I believe I will achieve my goal. This is where the parallel is found- My  not buying anything new for 6 months was like my loose it quick diet. I am very glad I did it, because it really intensified my understanding of my relationship to stuff but I will admit, when I decided that I wasn’t going to do it anymore- I binged, and of course, felt really bad afterwards. But now, I know how I can be more successful.
 In my current diet, I pay attention to what I eat and often find myself saying “This really isn’t worth
the calories”. However, I also allow the occasional treat- for example, I budget into my calorie intake 5 dark chocolate covered almonds a day (my favorite treat). That way I still get some little pleasures instead of feeling deprived, eating only low calorie foods like vegetables and soup.
Similarly, with my spending and consuming habits, I can step back and determine what is so to speak “not worth the calories”- what will make my life fat with stuff without bringing any real joy. I can look at the real value (calorie count) of everything in my life and choose more carefully. I am on a house diet too. I am trying to take more things out of my house than I bring into it because for years it has been the opposite. Although we did not have a not buy anything new Christmas (Which I still really want to do and may actually do this year), I did sit down with my daughter and talk to her about what she already has and thereby convince her that she did not need another Barbie doll when she already had 8- and that in fact, she should give some away etc. In the end, she didn’t know exactly what she should ask Santa for- so she settled on books so she could be smart in school (yes maybe I’m bragging a little- but I felt like that was a huge success). With this, I know that in order to maintain this lifestyle and not revert to old habits, I need to allow myself the occasional splurge- and not feel bad about it.
There are several tactics that I have come up with to help me keep mindless consumerism from overtaking my life. I cannot say that I practice them perfectly but it is a goal.
1.      Of course, always see if you can make do with what you have- repurpose or make by hand

2.      If it is something you need for one time-use or only occasionally, see if you can borrow it.

3.      See if you can get what you need used.

4.      Designate one day of the week or month as the day you will buy things. Anytime you want something and it can possibly wait, put it on a list and wait for a week or more before buying it- if you still really want it, go ahead. This idea makes you think about your purchases but
also limits the time you spend being a consumer- shopping.

5.      When you bring something into your home, find something to take out (donate, trash, etc.)

6.      Don’t just buy the cheapest thing. Think about value- find something that is made well and will last longer (this means less trash and waste of resources). Also, when you can, buy things that are socially and environmentally responsible (and I don’t mean just falling for all the
so-called green things that is really just a great marketing scheme).

7.      Create a budget for yourself. This year we are doing a cash system. Each month we have envelopes of money for different expenses. When the money is gone-too bad. It is really helpful because you can see what you are spending more than if you just swipe a card. Also, there is an envelope for each person’s personal spending- for whatever they want- but the
limits are kind of low (even though we could afford more) so it requires that we really think about what we are buying and save up for longer if we need to. This accommodates the occasional splurges- but within reason.

I’m really glad I did this last year. Moderation has in fact been a huge problem all of my life and I am now finding that I “get it” more than I ever have before. I really think that it took me examining one aspect of my life in an extreme to understand that value of balance and I have seen its influence in other parts of my life. I encourage anyone to do the same. I had considered continuing this blog each year with a new theme- a year without tv, a year without junk food etc.. but for now, I think I’m just going to try and be moderate.

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for the post! Interesting to see what you learned. Good luck with the diet - I'm having similar issues. How do you find time to count calories? Let us know how it works out.

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  2. Natalie- I actually just did a calorie count of the foods I eat the most and created meal plans for breakfast and lunch that are pretty strict to my calorie plan. I leave the most calories for dinner so I don't have to count calories so carefully there. I restrict myself to 2 snacks a day at around 100 calories- which I sometime pre-portion but once you research it, you can become fairly familiar with the calorie count of things.

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  3. Carma: thanks for posting what you've learned from your experience! We've been on a similar "stuff purge" for a few months now, and I confess to occasionally losing sight of the value of moderation (especially in terms of how it effects our family's mood). I think your comparison to diet makes a lot of sense, and gives Mary and I a framework for future conversations about our own approach to these challenges.

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  4. Great insights, Carma! And a good reminder to me, that I'm always more successful when I take the moderate approach (for dieting as well). Here's a funny video about not spending more than you earn. Funny how the common sense answers can seem strange because we're not used to them.

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/1389/saturday-night-live-dont-buy-stuff

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