There's This Thing Called Moderation...

I haven’t written an entry for my blog for a very long time- as you can see. The reason is that I was at a loss as to how to explain something I learned from the experience. I did not in fact go an entire year with my commitment to not buy anything new. It actually lasted about 6 months. Around that time, my husband went to Ukraine to attend his brother’s wedding and so, of course, he needed to bring presents from the US for all of his family. I really didn’t have time to make a lot of handmade gifts so we purchased them. Then came shopping for school supplies- and it just snowballed
from there.

So, perhaps a bit of shame has kept me from writing in this blog. My husband can attest to the fact that I make grand plans and start a lot of things but often have a hard time seeing them through to the end. I openly admit this. However, I really feel that my choice to end the experiment had more to it. Certainly it is not reasonable to go without buying new things indefinitely- I never thought it was. Also, my goal in this experiment was not to simply make myself suffer. I wanted to come to terms with my consumerism and really understand the motivations for and implications of my spending/consuming habits. I really feel that I have done that. While my husband was gone to
Ukraine, I happened to read a book about the Bolshevik revolution and the beginnings of Communism in Russia. This was a very interesting read in light of my efforts to confront consumerism. In previous posts I have talked about how American’s consume so much- much more than any other country and that one of the reasons we can afford to buy stuff like we do is because we outsource manufacturing and often exploit foreign resources. This topic is of course hotly debated- many people saying it is better for them to have those jobs than none at all and others saying that corporations wouldn’t really collapse if they shelled out a little more money for its workers, and others in reply saying that they would- to which I say, I’m not so sure, but I know they wouldn’t if the consumer here would be willing to pay a little more for a product, knowing that it was made by people who earned a living wage in healthy working conditions. Anyway, in the current political atmosphere in the US- people might call me a socialist for supporting what they would claim to be anti-capitalist (even though a market system can be run not just by demand for lowest price but by values). So, back to my point, it was very interesting to read about Communism. The interesting aspect to me was the idea they had of sharing the wealth- similar to my idea. However, as we know, none of us is perfect and there is a natural human desire to obtain and enjoy things- luxury or not. So, when you study how Communism turned out in the Soviet Union, you do not see the creation of a selfless, sharing society. You see a nation of hypocrites- claiming to work for the common people and share, but really secretly grabbing what  they can for themselves- especially as scarcity increased- all the while being told (by people who did the same) that they should feel ashamed for having extra or wanting more. There is a really great episode of John Stossel’s show that gives one explanation as to why this happens- it’s called the tragedy of the commons.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/200512/stossel-thu-nov-25-2010#x-0,vepisode,1,0

So, I discovered as the months passed in my experiment, more things started breaking or wearing out and the kids had a longer and longer list of things they had wanted but didn’t get (and I did too). The difficulty of proceeding grew and the sense of deprivation increased. This was actually a good thing at first, because it highlighted the “things” in my life that actually were needful and mattered the most. I know very clearly that fun activities with the family that require very little stuff are always more rewarding than toys and things. But I also know that there are some things that really do make
life easier for me- that I’m not willing to live without. I love my time-saving kitchen appliances. Sure I could do everything by hand- but I won’t. I like board and card games. I buy them every Christmas because if it is a good game, it doesn’t get old and forgotten and I can do it with my family.

This process taught me many important things. I learned to take care of what I have and I valued what I have more. I learned that I could in fact live without having all these things I wanted- things that previously may have been categorized as a want/need- something that I want because I think
it will make my life better and of course making my life better is something I need right? My eyes were opened to the amount of junk I had in my home (and still do- still trying to part with more). The concept of budgeting also became clear to me. I have always budgeted but not as well as I could have. I see a parallel between the average American consumer and the American government as
far as credit is concerned. Somehow everyone’s basic list of needs has increased over the years- we are so much more high maintenance. We demand more stuff and think it is okay to use credit to get it and in turn, demand more from the government and think it is okay for the government to use credit to supply it. Not only should be not be using credit like cash- we should be using less than what we earn and saving for hard times. This has become painfully clear to all of us over the past few years but we are not really ready to retrench and really cut our excess. We see it in finance and we see it in our waistbands. Take a look at the current season of the Biggest Loser and you will know, we just have a hard time saying no to our carnal appetites. The problem is, the bigger you get, the harder it is to move- to change.

This idea about obesity is actually what made what I learned at the end of my efforts clear to me. As I have said, I learned many positive lessons, but the last lesson I learned is one of moderation. At the six month point, I had stretched my family’s resolve to the limit and the legitimate wants (I’ll still call them wants because we weren’t going to die without them)- things that I realized actually could enhance my life, were mounting. And yet, after considering what most of the world has, those wants seemed frivolous and so I felt bad for not keeping my resolve. But, as mentioned, the example of
Communist Russia showed me that trying to ignore those wants- even for my lofty ideals doesn’t turn out well. For the longest time this really bothered me and I still felt like a failure- until I remembered the value of moderation. As I began this new year, I made a commitment to lose some weight. I think my metabolism has really begun to slow down and I am the heaviest I have ever been- outside of being pregnant of course. I did a lot of calculations and determined the correct ratio of calorie intake and exercise (calorie burning) to lose about 5 pounds in a month. Of course I’m impatient and I want to lose it quicker- but in order to do that I would have to REALLY restrict my diet and exercise like crazy. From previous experience, I know that if I do this, I’ll end up quitting and have no success at all. So, instead I am being moderate and I believe I will achieve my goal. This is where the parallel is found- My  not buying anything new for 6 months was like my loose it quick diet. I am very glad I did it, because it really intensified my understanding of my relationship to stuff but I will admit, when I decided that I wasn’t going to do it anymore- I binged, and of course, felt really bad afterwards. But now, I know how I can be more successful.

 In my current diet, I pay attention to what I eat and often find myself saying “This really isn’t worth
the calories”. However, I also allow the occasional treat- for example, I budget into my calorie intake 5 dark chocolate covered almonds a day (my favorite treat). That way I still get some little pleasures instead of feeling deprived, eating only low calorie foods like vegetables and soup.

Similarly, with my spending and consuming habits, I can step back and determine what is so to speak “not worth the calories”- what will make my life fat with stuff without bringing any real joy. I can look at the real value (calorie count) of everything in my life and choose more carefully. I am on a house diet too. I am trying to take more things out of my house than I bring into it because for years it has been the opposite. Although we did not have a not buy anything new Christmas (Which I still really want to do and may actually do this year), I did sit down with my daughter and talk to her about what she already has and thereby convince her that she did not need another Barbie doll when she already had 8- and that in fact, she should give some away etc. In the end, she didn’t know exactly what she should ask Santa for- so she settled on books so she could be smart in school (yes maybe I’m bragging a little- but I felt like that was a huge success). With this, I know that in order to maintain this lifestyle and not revert to old habits, I need to allow myself the occasional splurge- and not feel bad about it.

There are several tactics that I have come up with to help me keep mindless consumerism from overtaking my life. I cannot say that I practice them perfectly but it is a goal.

1.      Of course, always see if you can make do with what you have- repurpose or make by hand

2.      If it is something you need for one time-use or only occasionally, see if you can borrow it.

3.      See if you can get what you need used.

4.      Designate one day of the week or month as the day you will buy things. Anytime you want something and it can possibly wait, put it on a list and wait for a week or more before buying it- if you still really want it, go ahead. This idea makes you think about your purchases but
also limits the time you spend being a consumer- shopping.

5.      When you bring something into your home, find something to take out (donate, trash, etc.)

6.      Don’t just buy the cheapest thing. Think about value- find something that is made well and will last longer (this means less trash and waste of resources). Also, when you can, buy things that are socially and environmentally responsible (and I don’t mean just falling for all the
so-called green things that is really just a great marketing scheme).

7.      Create a budget for yourself. This year we are doing a cash system. Each month we have envelopes of money for different expenses. When the money is gone-too bad. It is really helpful because you can see what you are spending more than if you just swipe a card. Also, there is an envelope for each person’s personal spending- for whatever they want- but the
limits are kind of low (even though we could afford more) so it requires that we really think about what we are buying and save up for longer if we need to. This accommodates the occasional splurges- but within reason.

I’m really glad I did this last year. Moderation has in fact been a huge problem all of my life and I am now finding that I “get it” more than I ever have before. I really think that it took me examining one aspect of my life in an extreme to understand that value of balance and I have seen its influence in other parts of my life. I encourage anyone to do the same. I had considered continuing this blog each year with a new theme- a year without tv, a year without junk food etc.. but for now, I think I’m just going to try and be moderate.

The Value of Things

So, I have discovered that my attention span for any given project/endeavor appears to be about 6 months. I suppose I would have guessed as much. No, I have not given up on my resolution, but I guess I have not followed it as faithfully as intended. I have found myself being lured back into the throes of consumerism. It started out as little things- my daughter wanted a gumball from the gumball machine and my son wanted a treat too but he can’t chew gum so I bought him a little toy from a machine instead. It was a useless little trinket. Then I bought some fabric, a pattern and such to make a new dress that I didn’t really need- I rationalized that I wasn’t buying the thing new, but only the parts- I was making it instead of buying- yeah right. Then a few more thrift store purchases of things that I didn’t really need because they are used not new… ha ha ha. It is discouraging to me how deep my consumerist nature runs. I have reawakened my joy for possessing and procuring so easily. I now question if there will be much change at all in my habits when the year is out. I hope there will be. I have no illusions that I will never want anything again. Many of the things that I want are wanted not just for what they are but the promise they hold of inclusion into various activities of society. That is part of the genius of product development and advertising- they tie the stuff into our ability to be a citizen of the world. Mostly what I hope for is that I will learn to live and be happy with less and that my primary definition of self is not as a consumer.


Anyway, I finished the book The Story of Stuff and it was a great book- I really recommend that everyone read it. There are so many things from the book that I want to talk about. Right now I want to talk about how we value things. As part of this whole process I have tried to reduce what I currently have. I have made monthly raids on toys, clothes and house wares to declutter and simplify. Since my son is young, when I decide to tackle the project of cleaning and organizing his room- it starts out as a huge sea of toy parts and upended bins that used to hold all these parts. It is really overwhelming. Recently as I was trying to get everything back in order and eliminate the things he doesn’t play with, the broken bits and such, I found myself throwing away a penny. I know I have done this before too. It is so silly because there is nothing wrong with the penny- it is still worth one cent, but in that moment of decision, I determine that the penny is not worth enough to put aside and later put in my purse. In the moment, the more important thing is just to get rid of all of the clutter. It is ridiculous that I should ever have even obtained all of that stuff to come to the point that it is so overwhelming that I am throwing away money just to be rid of it all.

Most of my clearing out ends up in a bag that will be donated to the thrift store so I don’t feel so bad about it, but I have often found something I purchased only a month ago at the thrift store, in the bag to go back to where I got it from. Still, not so bad because it will be reused hopefully. However, this got me thinking about an area that I used to spend a lot of money on- crafts. I did tons of crafts with my kids- often from a craft kit. They would make some useless piece of junk that they themselves did not value very much and it would soon end up in the trash. I’m not saying that children shouldn’t do crafts and be creative, but now I am reconsidering my materials. I think it would be better to have them paint rocks or pinecones or something from nature that can easily be returned to nature instead of plastic this and that that went through a long and toxic process to end up in my trash.

Now, as I go through the things I am getting rid of, I think, well at one point I thought this was worth the dollar I paid for it (a large amount of things easily discarded are purchase from the dollar section of various stores) but now it has no value to me. From reading The Story of Stuff I know that thing that I paid a dollar for actually had a much bigger cost, but the way that society is now structured, it is nothing, something to consume with little guilt because it’s only $1 and who cares what happens to it when I’m done with it. Those dollars add up to billions in money and in tons of trash.

One of the hardest things about not buying anything for a year is when something breaks. Then I have to have the debate- do I buy a replacement or is this something that I can live without? A while ago, my blender stopped working and as I was contemplating it, I could see how it could be unnecessary, how I could live without one- but I really didn’t want to. Miraculously, after unplugging it and leaving it for a while, it started working again. The same thing happened with the filter for my daughter’s fish tank and in a way I feel like I’m being blessed to have these things start working again. This however, brings me to a point about how our growth focused economy has structured things to make sure we keep buying. We all know that things are made more cheaply today- they don’t last the 20 or more years they used to. You’d be lucky if any given kitchen appliance lasted 5 years. On top of this, these things are made so cheaply overseas that it actually costs more to have it repaired by an American earning a US living wage than it does to buy a new one. So, most people make the financial choice of just trashing it. It is sad to think of how much we have trashed and how little we pay people in other countries just so we can get statistics that say that our economy is growing. That doesn’t make sense to me. Shouldn’t we reach equilibrium at some point? Nope, we get tricked into buying more things that we don’t need and into replacing things due to planned or perceived obsolescence. (That’s when a manufacturer creates something with the intention of introducing a product later that makes the first “obsolete” or due to advertising/imaging, makes you think you need a new one because the old one isn’t in the color of the season etc.)

Part of this problem comes down to changing our measures and goals for a successful economy- then onto manufacturers and their responsibility to make lasting products that can be reasonably repaired or updated. The responsibility for the consumer as I see it is to buy quality, long lasting items instead of opting for the disposable. After that, we need to take care of our possessions. Don’t leave tools, bikes and such out in the rain to rust. Clean things, put them away, use them properly… all the things we learned from our parents as kids because they were raised by people who went through the great depression and knew how important it was to work with what you have and make it last. I have had to change a lot of my habits this year as I have realized that when what I have wears out, I will not be buying another. Things seem more precious to me because I don’t have that mentality that it is just disposable and easy to replace. Because things are so cheap, that is generally how our society treats our stuff. Why bother putting any extra effort to maintain something when it can be thrown out and replaced? All the while, out of our sight, thrown away really means landfills that are overflowing to the point that we actually ship our trash overseas to poor countries- occasionally to be recycled, but often to just sit there and stink up their home. Clearly we have some hidden costs in what we buy and dispose of. What would you be willing to buy if you knew that you couldn’t ever throw it away- that you had to keep it in your home as long as you live? The whole earth is our home and even if we don’t always see the actual process of our stuff from production to disposal- it is always with us- the effect on our environment and health is reminder enough.

The Price of Things

I haven't really kept up with writing here- I doubt anyone is really agonizing over that, but my excuse is that life has been intensly busy especially with the two week visit from my husband's family. This visit was great but also gave me a fresh perspective on my resolution for the year.
My husband's family is from Ukraine, so when they came to visit, of course they wanted to buy things to take home to friends and family. Since I was (and I guess I still am) the primary shopper in our home, it came upon me to take them around to fulfill their shopping lists. It was so strange to get back into this mindset again. To think about the best place to find things, the best price and such. It was such an odd feeling. I only vaguely remember the mindset that my shopping mode put me in. When I jumped back into it after such an absence, it was very stark and strange. It is the weirdest feeling, the consumer mind. I become focused on the goal of finding, obtaining, owning, possessing. Because I have always been a major bargain hunter (I even clipped coupons when I was in High School) it is an intense game for me. Not only is their the drive to find the item desired and the high that comes from purchasing- like a check mark on the list of things to do or that special addition to a collection, but their is the hunter's instinct that comes into play, to insure that my money is well spent and that I got  the "deal", that I beat the system. Where previously these feelings gave me a sense of accomplishment, this time, it was unsettling. The purchases weren't for me, but what it did was give me a glimpse into what I had given up with out truly giving in to it again.
I don't know that I would be completely changed if I went back to buying things again. I think that this little experience showed me how easy it is to slip into that hunter mentality again. However, because of my experiences in this year so far, I noticed it more and I recognized the emptiness of it. I began to take stock of how my family life has been. Truly, there are hours upon hours that have been saved from the wasteland of shopping and diverted to walks with my kids, book reading and other worthy endeavors. Not only that, a whole area of my mind is not free to refocus my attention to things other than the "hunt". I can already feel the peaceful effects of it.
An interesting thing about what my inlaws were buying is that it wasn't just souveniers, it was clothing, perfume and such. Apparently, the selection in Ukriane is a lot more limited and they felt that the clothing quality here is better for the price. This was so strange to me. Surely, the $15 shirts made in a sweatshop on the other side of the world for pennies could not be better than what could be found in Ukraine, an industrialized country that probably outsources less than we do. I don't know exactly how their economy works, but as I drove in the car with my Ukrainian family, past countless stores, buildings everywhere selling so much stuff, I really felt that they were the lucky ones that didn't have to be inundated with it all, that their landscape wasn't quite so pockmarked with commercialism, that they didn't have such a burden of choice to complicate their day to day shopping. After doing a little research online, I discovered that things are generally cheaper in Ukraine but that the price for the percieved high quality brand name clothing and other such items has skyrocketed as they have become status symbols. I wonder if the perception of "quality goods" in America is real or if the off brand items they get are really just as good. I just can't imagine how the cheap shirts at Walmart or Target could be any better quality than what they have.
 The average yearly income for a Ukrainian is somewhere around $4,000. Since the average income in America is more than 10 times that amount, I figure I ought to be paying AT LEAST double what they pay for food and clothing. If I adjust it to 10 times as much as they pay for things, then I should pay $430 for my American jeans or a man's shirt, $600 for a pair of shoes, $10 for a gallon of milk, $3 for a pound of apples, $20 a pound for ground beef, and $40 for a meal at McDonald's.
 http://www.tefl.com/home/col_survey.html?ci_id=88&tefl_session=9fad1961fc581111f947e98b26b81f3d&x=1&y=1
Certainly the difference in the salary to cost of living ratio has somewhat to do with the health of the economy, but there is another issue at hand. Even when people in the US do pay $600 for a pair of shoes, in many cases, the people who made the shoes still earned pennies a day and the higher cost paid went into the the pocket of some designer label owner and not towards global equality.
When my husband came to the US, he owned about 5 shirts and 2 pairs of pants and 2 pairs of shoes. He was in the practice of wearing his clothes two days in a row before washing. I'm not necessarily advocating that, but I think a shirt for each day of the week and 3-4 pairs of pants/skirt or whatever should be enough. That is all I could afford if I paid even $100 for a shirt but I would do it if it meant people elsewhere earned dollars, not pennies a day and could actually afford to buy the clothes they made, and more importantly, afford running water and a balanced meal for their family.
I am in the middle of reading "The Story of Stuff" by Annie Leonard. It is really eye opening.. anyway, I see all these things that are unjust and should be changed and certainly it is overwhelming. Even as I think about how it is reasonable to own only 7 shirts, I count 60+ shirts in my closet- and I'm not even talking about t-shirts. The fashionista in me cringes at the thought of cutting back on one of my means of personal expression, but I think that perhaps I can at least scale back to 30 right? They are for different seasons and occasions, some are undershirts and such... but I rationalize. I wish it were easier to choose ethically made clothing. That it were easy to pick up a shirt and know that it was produced by someone who earned a living wage and not produced with the miriad of environmentally damaging toxins used in current manufacturing. To buy something like that, you pretty much have to order from a special catalogue or deal with the extremely limited selection of such things that some stores offer and then hope that the lable isn't a hoax. If I'm not quite up to that yet, at least I can limit the amount I consume of "Conventionally" produced clothing and donate my "extra" money to a humanitarian aid organization. That seems a bit backwards doesn't it?

Check out this Article in the Washington Post:

I just read a great article in the Washington Post about our excess "stuff" http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/26/AR2010032603608.html. In the article it mentions that there is a new book out called "The Story of Stuff" by Annie Leonard. It sounds really good and it gets into where we get all our stuff from (globally) and where it all ends up and really examines our issues with excessive consumerism- especially as it relates to environmental impact. I'm excited to read the book since I haven't really discussed that aspect of my motivations for a year without buying. Since I'm not buying anything new, I'll have to rely on the public library system, which means waiting on a long list for it, but once I do read it, I'll post a review of it.

All About Sacrifice

Another month gone by… and now I have an infraction to report. I have rationalized it so that I don’t feel like it was a violation of my commitment, but my husband thinks it is. I’ll let you be the judge. A few days ago, I decided that the huge toy box spilling over with toys had to go. So, I donated half the toys, and will donate the box as soon as my kids are done playing hide in the box and jump out to surprise people. In order to simplify my home and keep things tidy, I decided I needed a bookshelf that would hold the books we have strewn about downstairs and also hold a couple of baskets for small toys to keep downstairs. This was, admittedly not a real need, just a desire of mine. While I was at the thrift store getting some jeans for my son, I saw a little solid wood bookshelf that would be perfect. I bought it for $5. This thing was in poor condition with masking tape all over it. I peeled that off and sanded it down and re-stained it. I figure that this is not a violation of the spirit of my resolution because I gave away, and reduced my material possessions before adding this one on, and I bought used, and not just a “find”- a used item that not many people would want and put work into it to make it nice again. It was purchased slightly on impulse and yes, I do have those happy feelings of something new that I wanted, but, I did sacrifice something I had to obtain it.


In this entry I would like to talk about sacrifices we make and how they affect our outlook on life. In my last entry I discussed in part, a problem our society today has with truly appreciating what we have. Of course, the question arises as to how exactly we can help ourselves and our children be grateful for what we do have. It seems to me that understanding of one thing comes from understanding its opposite. This is generally how we define things- especially abstract things. What is love?- it is not hate, or negative feelings, or apathy, it is the opposite. So, in order to appreciate what we have, we have to understand what it is not to have it. As I discussed before, in earlier days, it seemed like people appreciated what they had more because there was less of it. However, this certainly was not always the case I’m sure. If you think of many people raised in poverty while seeing wealth around them, they do not just appreciate what they have, they aspire to have what they do not have. This is a reasonable desire, especially if one’s needs are not being met. However, as I also pointed out earlier, this insecurity and desire for more will not end once the needs are met. Many people who have pulled themselves up out of poverty end up being very greedy and seeking for more and more- it is never enough to truly feel secure and satisfied. Of course there are a variety of personal attributes and philosophical impacts on an individual that can change this aspect of human nature, but basically, that is how it works. So, if someone who was once in poverty but then obtained wealth doesn’t necessarily appreciate what they have how does understanding what it is to have and what it is to not have cause one to appreciate? I believe it is a matter of conditions. In this time of plenty/overabundance, true appreciation will come when we willingly give up something we want in order to understand what it is to be without it. This should not be too surprising. Most religions have some tradition of sacrifice in which one is expected to do without something they are accustomed to enjoying for a certain period of time. Catholics can certainly understand this with their observance of Lent where one is expected to give up something they really like for 40 days. There is Ramadan, Passover, temporary or permanent vows of silence, celibacy and such. On the extreme end, there are those who choose to live the life of a monk or a nun. In my church, we fast for three consecutive meals once a month and then donate what we would have spent on that food to those in need. One goal of this as a religious experience is to show one’s willingness to give up anything for the sake of faith, but anyone who has gone through the experience with sincerity has most likely found that it sharpens the mind’s understanding of many things. Especially in the case of a sacrifice of something that is truly important to someone, it becomes so clear that we tend to attribute such importance to things that distract us from simplicity and truth. Much of the anxiety, fear, and misery we experience come from our belief in the need for one thing or another and our efforts to make sure we hold onto that thing or to obtain it. In certain times of my life, I have lost things that truly do seem important- a job even. But, I like to play worst case scenario, and not matter what- thanks to friends and family to support me, I find that even with the great loses and the possibility of losing more, I will always find a way to be okay. In absence of having such an experience happen to you, try to imagine what your life would be like without the many things in it. Start with possessions, and peel off all the layers, trying to imagine what you would do without this or that, think really hard, positively and honestly, and in the process you will come to the parts of your life that you honestly could not live without. Now, once you have found those parts, redirect your energy and resources to those things and forget about the rest. See how liberating it will be and how peaceful you will feel.

As I have gone without buying new things and attempted to understand the difference between being a typical consumer and instead a creator and reuser, I have come to see that what I have given up is not so essential to me. I can see that many of the things that I saw as needs before were really wants. Truly, all any human being needs is shelter, food, water, sleep, clothing and companionship. To really be a part of society, other things do become necessary so I don’t really advocate that stark of a lifestyle, but it can be liberating to occasionally simplify your life to that level. An easy way to do that is to go camping. I enjoy camping as an adult more than ever because sometimes I really need to separate myself from the tv, computer, phone, radio, and stuff that is normal life. I marveled when I first took my daughter camping- she was 2 and had never been good at going to bed at night, however, in the absence of artificial light and following the cues of nature, she went to bed shortly after dark with no complaint or trouble.

So, for Spring Break, I am going to take my kids camping and use this as an opportunity to wean them off of too much tv! Hopefully, when they go a few days without the option, they will come to realize that there are better things to do and they won’t be asking to watch tv all day. To anyone reading, I challenge you to pick something to temporarily sacrifice and let me know the impact it has on your life.

Thinking of our Kids

It has been a little over a month since I started this resolution of mine. There have been a few challenges, but overall, it has been positive. The greatest mistake I have made is in not properly preparing my family and organizing my life to make it easier. Since starting, I have unsubscribed from the multitude of emails I used to receive that alerted me to this sale or that promotion. I have eliminated the weekly routine of scanning the Sunday newspaper ads for sales. I have also stopped the practice of taking the kids to the store to browse the toys etc. as a form of entertainment.


I had a couple of particularly bad experiences shopping with my children. First, I was at Walmart with my kids and we had wandered over to the Christmas toy clearance section (red alert right? ). My 5 year old daughter saw a toy that she “really wanted” and was begging me for it. I, with a good deal of satisfaction, proclaimed to her that this year we would not be buying anything new! I foolishly thought that my daughter would magically grasp the liberating joy of this idea- yeah, I know, I’m delusional on occasion. Instead, she began to bawl and shout at me that she didn’t like that idea at all. Bratty moment, yes, but can you really blame my daughter? How foolish of me to wait until she was in the middle of coveting an object to tell her of my resolution that automatically involved her. I was able to calm her down somewhat by telling her that she would still be getting presents for her birthday and Christmas (before this year I kind of cheated and put some toys away for those occasions) but that we just wouldn’t be buying all of these things that we didn’t really need just because we wanted them. Later I organized myself and my husband and I sat down and talked with our daughter, sharing the story of the Good Samaritan, and explaining that there are many people that don’t have as much as we do, and since we are blessed with more, we have the responsibility to share with others and help them any way we can. We made a goal that every time she received presents for birthdays, Christmas and such that she would find at least one thing that she has that she can donate. We talked about how we will focus on how we can give instead of what we will receive this year as a way of showing how much we appreciate what we have. My daughter listened to this, and understood what we were saying and I believe she is genuinely eager to do this. So far we have done little things like taking bread to a family that moved in and helping shovel snow for neighbors. I think that this Summer when she is out of school, we will do many more hands on service projects.

The other hiccup to this plan of mine came when I took my 3 year old son to a story time at a bookstore. While we were waiting for story time to begin, my son found a little wind-up toy that he REALLY wanted. Normally, I would have just purchased it for him. No doubt the bookstore has story time to bring customers in with the idea that they will buy things while they’re there and I’ve always felt the pressure to do so. However, on this occasion, I had to say no to my son. He had a mega tantrum and we left the store without enjoying the story time.

I like the extra incentive I have to say no to my children when they ask for all these little trinkets, I think that ultimately it makes me a better parent with less spoiled children. However, as you may have guessed, I don’t take my kids shopping with me much anymore.

All of this has caused me to think a lot about the messages we send our kids and the damage that consumerism is doing to them. Before this year, I took my kids to stores all the time just to look around because it was a quick and readily available activity and perfect when the weather is bad. The kids would look at toys, I’d look at home décor, clothes etc.. and we would have a great time- usually leaving the store with a toy. From a very early age, my children learned how shopping works and would soon be begging to be allowed to swipe the credit card or hand the cashier the money. Looking back on this, I think it is sad that my children came to see the regularity and importance of this more than they did the beauty of stopping to enjoy nature or the fun of making each other laugh. Instead of teaching them that the focus should be on what we have, the many joys that are free for the taking, I taught them to believe that good times came from things, from buying, from obtaining- things that would ultimately leave them empty and searching for more.

It is easy and almost cliché to think back on “the good old days” but truthfully, what about those good old days. I am sure that the desire to have more has been around from the beginning of time, but we have given into that desire more and more over time. How blessed are we that we can afford all of this extra stuff. Really, how fortunate am I that I can even think about buying less when there are many who don’t have enough money to buy food. Once upon a time, children received one present for Christmas. My husband, who grew up in the Soviet Union had that experience. Sometimes, there weren’t even presents, it was just a celebration because you had extra good food to eat. Even if people who lived that life of simplicity wished they had more, they still had a greater appreciation for the things they did receive. Today, we receive and buy so much, but value it so little. How quickly are the mountains of toys received at Christmas broken or forgotten? This past year it took my kids two days to exhaust the fun of their presents. As a parent I want to relish in the joy my children have at opening presents and it is tempting to fall into the pattern of bigger and better. It is like a drug, over time you need more and more to get your fix and it fades quicker and quicker. Similarly, over our lifetime we become less and less satisfied with life- been there done that. By overloading our children at such an early age, we accelerate that progression into apathy for life. How many teenagers do you know who appear to be unable to enjoy life- really enjoy it instead of complaining of boredom with eyes glued to the computer screen or cell phone.

During times of celebration, instead of focusing on the presents, I want to focus on the feelings and joy of togetherness. I have always been very pragmatic about gifts for myself. I usually only want useful things. I think the best gift is something that I didn’t have to ask for, like when a loved one takes the time to think about what I really need and then expresses their love for me by taking care of that need. Whatever happened to homemade gifts. Why have we robbed our children of that even greater joy that comes from working hard on something for someone else and then surprising them with it.

I remember feeling deprived as a child because I didn’t have as many toys as many of my friends, so I understand that even if I change the way I approach consumerism with my children, they may not grasp the full importance of it and simply feel bad that they don’t have as much as others. Hopefully I can give them some perspective through a focus on giving instead. In Tim Kasser’s book The High Price of Materialism he talks about how several studies show that materialism is higher in people who did not grow up with a feeling of security. This can be a lack of financial security or emotional security. People naturally (or through partial influence of advertising) try to fix insecurity with accumulation of wealth and possessions. The studies cited in this book also showed that such materialism never contributed to greater happiness in the individuals. Although the world in general preaches the gospel of consumerism, I believe that if I help my children feel emotionally secure (financial security comes easier when you aren’t buying things), they will not feel as strong of a desire for material accumulation. If I show my children that I love them by spending time with them and truly listening when they talk to me, instead of buying them things to keep them quiet- which ultimately only makes them feel less loved, I think they will not feel deprived and will instead have confidence and peace.

Starting Fresh

So, being an extreme type of person, this year I have a New Year's resolution that is kind of crazy- I'm not going to buy anything new for an entire year. This isn't a new idea, I heard a story on NPR about some people doing this a few years ago- I think they called it "The Compact." Pretty much, the idea is to curb consumerism by eliminating the purchase of anything new (within reason). Food and sanitary items are excluded of course- and I am excluding things like office supplies (paper and printer ink...). My main goal is to think carefully before I buy something. Do I really need it? If so- can I borrow it, buy it used, or make it? People do this kind of thing for a lot of reasons, and I'd say I'm doing it for most of those reasons. Certainly it will save money and help my family pay off a mound of student loans but really, there is much more to it for me. Here are some reasons I came up with:

1. Shift the focus from "What can I buy to make my family" to "What can I do to make my family happy?" Marketing has done a good job of convincing us that happiness comes in a box. This causes us to pull out our wallets whenever there is a problem or dissatisfaction with life. Countless studies have shown that this actually makes our problems worse and that a focus on non-material things will bring more enduring happiness.

2. Conserve resources. It is ridiculous that in our "going green" craze people have been convinced that going green involves buying more things. For things that are used up frequently- cleaning supplies and such its a good idea, but surely we understand that we have to weigh how much more efficient the new product is to the old one (say a washing machine) against how much energy and resources went into making the new product. Beyond this, as an excessive consumer, I have realized that I have more stuff than I need and I keep buying more. This demand I create for unessential items puts a strain on our environment as our precious resources are used to create all of that junk.

3. Become more globally aware and responsible. This reason is certainly debatable and complicated and I hope to contemplate on it more over the year.
There are great inequalities in the world. Excessive consumerism in the US seems to perpetuate this a little. Yes, we are buying goods from other countries, thus giving them an economic livelihood. We also demand that our products be cheap, so we can buy more things. Our demand to have it all means we have forsaken our native manufacturing plants in favor of the pennies-a-day labor of other countries. Certainly there are a lot of Americans that could use a job these days. In addition to this, while we are supplying jobs to other countries that need them, the wages earned for these jobs ensure a life of poverty by American standards. How would all of this change if we bought less and accepted a higher price tag for more globally responsible products? Yes, this messes with pure capitalism a little and supply and demand. However, what if the demand in a market driven economy included a desire for social responsibility? We could still get the lowest price for living wage produced products- it would just cost more than we are used to today. Global economics is not one of my strong suits and I intend to read up on the issue and I welcome input from others on this matter.

This year is intended to be an extreme solution to my over-consuming instincts. I understand very well that if everyone in the US stopped buying anything new for an entire year we would have a lot of serious problems (although I can't imagine that ever happening). I'm not saying this is an answer to all of my problems and the world's. I do know that looking at the situation from this extreme vantage point will help me to contemplate things more clearly and hopefully do a great deal to bring my family closer together and de-clutter my life.
The choices I make concerning this resolution will be guided by the reasons I have listed above and I will post updates around the first of every month and maybe more if I feel like it but I don't intend to go overboard with the blogging.
If you would like to join me in my resolution, or have any thoughts on it, I'd love to hear it.

~Carma